“You don’t know how hard it was for me not to send them.”
I pulled one out from about a third of the way.
“This one has a stamp on it.”
“There were several I carried to the post office and almost mailed but didn’t,”
she explained. I opened the letter and began reading aloud.
February 8,1970, 11:10 pm.
My Love,
I wrote you yesterday but my every thought today was of you and I needed
to tell you again how much I love you. You are so far away from me
but still close in my heart. I pray endlessly that God will bring you
back to me. You must know in your heart how much I love you and need
you. My heart remains suspended in time until I touch your face again.
I do not know what you’re facing today but know my love is with you every
second.
I so miss the countless expressions on your face. I miss you breathing
in my hair. I miss lying next to you causing my heart to beat rapidly.
I miss the warmth and security I felt whenever you were with me. Knowing
nothing could harm me with you holding my hand. I miss making love
to you.
Somehow, I know that we will be together again and you will caress my face
and say I love you. I love you. I love you, as I will say to
you. Until that time I’m holding on to that love we shared. Always
remember, I love you, I love you, I love you.
Always, my Love, Sue
I turned looking at her.
“I’m sorry for the scars I have put in your heart,” I said.
“Jay, I realized you were hurting but I also knew your scars would heal one
day. I have no scars now. Mine faded away about two hours ago
when I saw your face,” she replied and kissed my cheek.
“Can I read another?”
“Keep them with you to read whenever you want. I’m going down to check on Jay.”
“We better not spend so much time in your room or your mom will think I’m catching up on a years worth!” I said, smiling.
“You are so crazy! I love you,” she said smiling and shaking her head
and walked out. I pulled out another near the top and read to myself.
November 19, 1969, 12:20 am.
To My Love,
I was angry with myself as I lay in bed this evening. I tried turning
that anger toward you but to no avail. I asked myself, why did you
not explain to me earlier how your past had you so upset. Why did you
harbor those thoughts for so long? Why could I not make them go away?
Was there something more I could have done to extinguish your pain?
These are a few of many questions spinning through my mind. I have
no final answers except we are the way we are. I know that you left
knowing I love you with all my heart as I feel you love me. This has
never been in question. What remains is if time will cause your love
for me to fade away. There is something in me of you that will never
fade away. Something that time cannot change. Someday I hope
you will see it.
I know I can fall asleep now that I have talked to you. Remember my love for you will endure the test of time.
My enduring Love, Sue
My heart was hurting as I read. I wanted to put them away to keep from
feeling that way but I couldn’t. I pulled another one out.
December 25, 1969, 11:00 am.
Dear Santa,
I awoke this morning before sunrise in anticipation I would find the gift
I asked for standing near the tree. I dressed and ran downstairs quickly
to find it wasn’t there. I’m certain you tried as hard as you could
to give me what I asked for. I remember one Christmas when Joni was
young asking for something that was very expensive. When she awoke
that Christmas morning, she ran downstairs and looked all under the tree
not finding it. She sat crying as I watched her, knowing why.
I walked over, sat next to her, and explained that she had hoped for something
that was beyond what you could give her. I told her not to lose hope.
Maybe it would be under the tree next Christmas. She smiled as she
looked up at me and said, “I won’t. I’ll wait until next Christmas.”
I sat in that exact spot this morning and cried. I knew I had asked
you for something that was beyond what you could give me. I’m not going
to lose hope. I will wait until next Christmas.
With Hope, Susan Miller
3383 Lakeland Drive
P.S. I made certain there was milk and cookies left out.
This was almost too much for me to handle. I wrapped them back in the
bands and put them up. I went to the bathroom and got back my composure.
I went down to find Sue sitting on the couch feeding Jay. I sat next
to her, putting my arm around her saying nothing but looking at her.
“What is it?” She asked, seeing something in my face.
“You!”
“What!” She asked with a curious look.
“I have something that belongs to you,” I said, getting up and going to the
car. When I returned I sat next to her. Her mother had come in
and was kneeling over Jay, talking to him as Sue held his bottle. She
noticed the two velvet boxes I had brought back with me.
“That is your Medal of Honor isn’t it?” Her mom stated.
“No! I will never wear it again. It belongs to Sue,” I said,
taking it out and placing it around her neck. “Mom, you know why I’m
doing this. You have been with her the past year and you know she deserves
it more than I do,” I said, putting my arms around Sue.
“You two are so lucky to have each other,” she said leaning over and giving us each a kiss on the forehead.
“I’m not finished!” I stated. I opened the other one, removed
the Purple Heart, and placed it on her blouse. “This one is because
I wounded your heart before I left,” her mom put her hands to her face and
began crying returning to the kitchen. I looked at Sue and she was
in tears. I looked at Jay as she held him. “Your mother is a
remarkable woman.”
“I Love you so much Jay!” She said.
“In one of your letters, you were speaking of Jay when you said, “there was
something in you of me that would never fade away”, weren’t you?” I
asked.
“Yes.”
“I need to hold you a minute,” I said, burying my face in her hair.
“I do love smelling your hair. I Love You, I Love You, I Love You!”
Getting married and finding a home!
“When do you want to visit your family?” She asked.
“Well, I need to be at work Monday, I have a family to support now.
What if we spend a few days with my family and come back next week to get
married? I asked.
“If we’re going to move down there, I need to turn in my two weeks notice at the hospital.”
“I forgot about that! I’m not leaving you here alone for two weeks.
You might forget about me and I don’t think I could spend another day without
you,” I said, being serious.
“What do you want to do?” She asked.
“I’m going to call my boss, explain it to him and see if he will let me take a couple of weeks off without pay.
“Sounds like a good idea to me.”
“We could get our marriage license in the morning an get married next Saturday.
Will that be all right with you?” I asked.
“I’ve waited this long for you. I guess I can wait another week,” she replied.
Lisa was standing at the bottom of the stairway. Sue asked her to call
the others down for a minute. They all ran down and sat around us.
“Hey kids!” You are going to have another brother,” sue announced.
“When?” Lisa asked.
“Jay and I are getting married, is that Okay with all of you?”
“Yeah! They all said excitedly and asking when.
.
“Next Saturday,” she answered. They all seemed happy. Soon they were all gone playing somewhere.
“I need to ask you something,” I said.
“What is it?”
“Did Joni ever get that expensive gift for Christmas?”
“Yes, I had to baby sit all summer to pay for it.”
“Somehow, even before I asked, I knew you were going to make sure she got
it,” I said, giving her a kiss. “I hope Santa gave you what you had
asked for.”
“It was a little late, but I finally got it,” she said smiling.
Ray and Doug came in from work at six thirty. Sue told them about us.
They congratulated us. That evening we all sat around, talking until
nine thirty. It was the younger ones bedtime and they went upstairs.
Sue had talked to Genie on the phone but she had planned something previously
and couldn’t come over. She was living in her own apartment.
After everyone else had gone to bed, I sat with Sue’s mom and we talked about
James for a while. Not really knowing, I reassured her that everything
would be okay.
“Momma, we are going to get the license tomorrow and Jay’s going to stay
here for two weeks while I put in my notice. Then were going to live
in Memphis where his job is.
“That’s fine, you two have to make your own decisions,” she replied.
A while later, we went to bed. I showered first and as Sue showered,
I pulled the stack of letters down from the closet. Pulling one out
from further down in the stack, I found another one that had a stamp.
August 1, 1970,8:40 pm.
My Loving Sweetheart,
Time is short and soon you will return. The love I have carried in
my heart for you gives me the hope and faith that you will return to me,
in your own time. Even then, I will continue to wait patiently until
you decide our future. Whatever decision you may reach I will accept.
Regardless of that, I will never keep you from seeing Jay whenever you want.
He will need his father at times in his life and I know you will be a great
father. I have seen you with kids. You have knowledge of them,
rarely known by someone of your age.
Bess and I talked of old times recently. She mentioned how you had
a hard time conveying to me that you were going to Vietnam. You told
her that you had conditioned your heart in case I rejected you. This
has caused me to reevaluate my thinking. Until recently I have not
pictured in my mind us not being together, but lately I have been trying
to condition myself to accept rejection if that is to be. Have you
come to terms with yourself concerning those things you had to work out?
Either way you decide, I think now I can accept your decision. Nevertheless,
I will never stop loving you.
When you lay your head down tonight, try to picture what you want for your
future and see if I’m a part of it. Please write me and let me know
of your decision. I could never say that this has been a waste of time
in my life because I have Jay and the memories of us.
I’m sure all of my family and our friends would tell me to say hi and to
wish the best for you. Daddy is back over there. Please see if
you can get in touch with him. He thought so much of you. Believe
it or not, you could do no wrong in his eyes.
I’m near laying my head down for the night. I wonder who will occupy
my thoughts until I fall asleep. I will give Jay a hug and kiss for
you tonight. He looks so beautiful lying asleep in his crib.
I pray you will see him soon. I love you with all my heart.
Yours if you want me, Sue
The next morning we were up at seven. I called work and explained the
situation to my boss and he agreed to allow me the two weeks. As we
stood in the bathroom getting ready, I began thinking of one of the last
times Sue and I were in the bathroom together.
“You are so beautiful, I can’t believe I will be your husband next Saturday,” I stated as I dropped my mouth open.
“How long are you going to keep doing that?” She asked, with a frown.
“Until you turn ugly. Are you trying to spoil my fun? If I stop
doing that, then maybe I don’t love you anymore,” I stated.
“Okay, you win,” she replied.
We were on our way down as her mom called us to breakfast.
“If I’m going in with you this morning I need to call the base. It’s
customary to notify them when I come on base,” I said.
“Why?” Sue asked.
“The Medal of Honor,” her mom said.
“Yeah, They will want to greet me.”
“Who will?” Sue asked.
“The Post Commander and a few others.”
“Wow! Will you get the royal treatment?” Sue asked.
“No, we will!” I said, smiling.
“I better put more makeup on then!” Sue said.
“Do what you want but from where I sit, you don’t need any,” I said. She leaned over and kissed me.
“Mom, that’s one of the reasons I love him,” she said as her mom looked at
me and smiled shaking her head. Sue called the hospital and explained
what her intentions were.
“Jay you remember Colonel Jamison, the Doctor over my department.”
“Yes, I met him several times when I use to see you at lunch.”
“I explained I would be in late this morning and I was going to put my notice
in. He wants you to stop in and see him. Is that alright with
you?”
“Sure, we can expect a lot of this for the next two weeks being around a Military base,” I replied.
“I think it’s exciting,” sue responded.
“Mom do you think she would like politics?”
“It would be too dull for her,” she said as we laughed.
“You two stop making fun of me.”
“Okay your Ladyship,” I said, laughing.
“Jay, You better stop!”
I called the gate and told them I would be there in an hour and a half so
they would be expecting us. After eating, we filed for marriage license
and drove to the base. I had a Medal of Honor License Plate on my car
so I knew they would recognize my car when we pulled to the gate. I
was right. As we pulled up four MP’s were waiting.
“Staff Sergeant Lamour?” One asked.
“Yes, we will be visiting for a couple of hours,” I replied.
“Sir, I’m Lieutenant Michaels, if you would please park your car over here.
The General offers his car during your stay here and he would like to meet
you sir,” he said.
“When would The General be expecting us Lieutenant?” I asked.
“At your convenience. Just tell the driver Sir.”
“Thank you Lieutenant.”
“Sir, I would like to say it is an honor to have you here again.”
“Thank you. It’s great to be back,” I said, pulling over to the parking space.
“Jay, I had no idea it was going to be like this. You are a very important person.”
“Do I look different? Just act sweet as you always are and have fun.”
We got into the generals car as his driver introduced himself as Lieutenant
Pratt.
“Where would you like to go first Sir?” he asked.
“Lieutenant, Where going to be seeing a lot of each other today. I’m
a civilian now and only held the rank of E-6, just call me Jay and this is
my Fiancee Sue.”
“I’m sorry sir. You wear The Medal of Honor and that would be disrespectful
while in uniform. But thank you sir,” he replied. Sue squeezed
my hand making fun of me.
“Let’s go by the hospital first, Lieutenant.”
“Yes Sir!”
As we entered the hospital, her friends greeted her and she introduced us.
The word had gotten around that Sue and her fiancee, The Medal of Honor winner
would be with her when she came today. Every military man or woman
regardless of who they were saluted me if they recognized Sue. In the
first fifteen minutes, I must have saluted twenty people. We made our
way to her department.
“Doctor Jamison, you remember Private Lamour, my Fiancee,” sue said making fun of me because I was a private when we first met.
“Please Colonel, Call me Jay,” I said, smiling at Sue.
“Jay, I’m glad you made it back. It’s an honor for us to have you here
again,” he said saluting me and then shaking my hand.
“Thank you sir. Sue has always spoken highly of you. She enjoys working in this department,” I replied.
“Sue, by the way, use all the time you need before you leave. You know
we will miss you and we have enjoyed working with you.”
“Thank you Doctor,” sue replied.
“You two visit or what ever, I just wanted to meet you again Jay. Sue is a very lucky woman.”
“It was nice to see you again Colonel,” I said, as we shook hands. We walked down the hall toward the exit.
“You’re a very Lucky Woman and don’t forget it,” I said, joking.
“Yes I’m.”
“Come on, you're suppose to say that I’m the lucky one,” I said, to have a little fun with her.
“You “are” the lucky one but we already knew that!” She replied as
we laughed. I put my arm around her and squeezed as we walked.
We stopped several times on the way out to talk to her friends before reaching
the car.
Meeting My Previous Company Commander!
“Lieutenant, how would I go about locating someone on post?” I asked.
“Give me their name and I can find them sir.”
“Major Gregory, he was my CO when I was with Company B. 1st of the 7th Cav.”
“He’s a Full Bird Battalion Commander now sir.”
“Can you take me to him?”
“Yes sir, I’ll call ahead,” he radioed ahead informing them that I would
be there in fifteen minutes. I knew he would remember me when I told
him I drove his Boy Scouts two summers ago. We arrived at his headquarters
and were greeted with an escort. As normal, the word was out and I
saluted about thirty men before entering his office.
“Colonel Gregory, I don’t know if you remember me. I served under you
in B Company. I drove your Boy scouts two summers ago.”
“I knew the name Lamour rang a bell. When I got the call a few minutes
ago that a Medal of Honor winner Named Staff Sergeant Jay Lamour wanted to
visit me, I couldn’t put a face with the name but now I do. How are
you son?”
“I’m great sir. I see you have moved up the ladder.”
“A step or two, what brings you back this way?”
“I’m sorry, this is my fiancee Sue Miller. I came back to marry her next week.”
“Sit down son. You know, I remember Sue more than I do you,” he said
smiling. “You would sometimes bring her into the Mess Hall to eat.
Sue, I think you left a lasting impression on a lot of us.”
“I remember everyone’s kindness Colonel.”
“I remember giving an order to everyone not to harass you Jay. You
did a good service for me with the scouts and I appreciated it. You
had your own transportation too!”
“I’m surprised you remembered sir. Sir I came by because I wanted to
tell you that at a dire time in my life, working for you with those scouts
made it a very special time. I also knew you were responsible for the
jeep and no one saying anything to me about Sue. You were a great Commander
and I want you to know that.”
“It was a privilege for me too. I’m still involved with the scouts.
Would you want to drive us this summer?” he asked joking. We laughed.
“Sue has put in her notice at the hospital and we are moving to Memphis in two weeks. That’s my hometown.”
“If I remember correctly, your father past away during that time,” he stated.
“You have an amazing memory. That was an enormous part the hardship I was going through.”
“Is everything fine at home now?”
“It will be perfect when I get Sue there sir.”
“Where are you two getting married?” It would be my honor to attend if you would let me.
“It would be my honor if you could be there sir. I asked her only yesterday
and we decided next Saturday but we have not picked a church yet. I
will call your office tomorrow with the details.
I know you’re not aware that Sue’s first husband died in Vietnam. They
were together two months when it happened. She had a large wedding
then but she decided on a small one this time, just family and close friends.
“I’m so glad everything is working out for you two. I’m sure you two have endured much. You deserve happiness now.”
“Thank you Colonel,” Sue replied.
“Why don’t you two join me for lunch today. Jay, we can exchange war
stories. But only if you can handle the food in the officers mess,”
he asked. I felt he was sincere in asking.
“That would be our privilege sir. We would be happy too.”
“Tell your driver to have you here at 1230 hours.”
“I’ve enjoyed seeing you again sir and we look forward to having lunch.
I don’t want to take up anymore of your time right now. Again, it was
an honor to serve under your command sir.
“The same here son.”
The driver took us to the Post Commanders Headquarters where we would meet
General Davenport. As they escorted us in the building, I began teasing
Sue.
“Now that you’re rubbing elbows with all the brass you won’t want to leave.”
“Don’t be silly. I’ve seen a lot of brass sense I met you.”
“Ha, Ha! Very funny.”
“How do you deal with this, being formal all day long?” She asked.
“It’s easy when you know what the other person is like inside. Take
your doctor as an example. He was looking for a photo-op so I extended
short courtesies to him and left. Colonel Gregory is down to earth
and honest. He doesn’t look down on people. We will see in a
minute what the General is like.”
“I’ll never understand completely how you know these things,” she stated.
“When we leave his office you tell me what impression he makes on you,” I whispered as we entered his office.
“Sergeant Lamour, it’s a great honor to have you visit our post again.
I understand you served under Colonel Gregory while stationed here.”
“Sir please! Call me Jay. This is my Fiancee Sue Miller.
Her father is Sergeant Major James Miller. He was with the 23rd Armored
Division before going on another tour in Vietnam in which he’s now serving.
Colonel Gregory sir, yes we just left his office. We had a wonderful
reunion sir. He was an inspiration to me when I served under him.
He’s a great officer and Commander sir. Actually he has invited us
to lunch today sir.
“It’s been a while since I have eaten lunch with Colonel Gregory. Would I be imposing if I joined you for lunch?”
“No sir, I’m sure Colonel Gregory would consider it an honor as I do sir.”
“Good, I was meeting my son and daughter for lunch today but I’m sure they will understand.”
“Sir, it would be our privilege if they could also join us for lunch.”
“I’ll have someone in my staff to arrange it. To be honest they would
want to meet you. They have never had the honor of meeting someone
that has been awarded The Medal of Honor.”
“I would love to meet them sir.”
“So this is the beautiful lady everyone mentioned is traveling with you.”
“Yes sir, no matter what feats I accomplish in life she will always gets
top billing,” I said, smiling at her. I’m so glad to have met you sir.
I don’t want to take up any more of your time so I will see you for lunch
sir.”
“We’ll have a small reception for you Jay.”
“Thank you and thank you for your time sir.”
On the way to the car, Sue mentioned she wanted to go home and change.
I knew there would be cameras so I told her that would be a good idea.
She had worn her nurses uniform expecting to work.
“Lieutenant, could you take us to my car. We are meeting all the Brass for lunch and Sue wants to go home and change.”
“I’ll drive you sir. What is the address?”
“3383 Lakeland Drive,” I replied.
We arrived at her house at eleven o’clock. That would leave us with
forty-five minutes to shower and change. We went up to shower.
Sue yelled to her mother we’re going to change and leave again soon.
I told Sue to put on something sexy but nice for lunch. I was ready
and waiting for her in twenty minutes. I sat talking to mom about all
that was taking place today and how Sue was enjoying it. I told her
what the general said. The word was going around about the beautiful
woman that was traveling with me. Sue came down the stairs and my mouth
dropped to the floor.
“Can you believe that mom, and she loves me. You are gorgeous sweetheart,
but you can’t go. I’m supposed to be the center attraction,” I said,
as she was smiling. “Mom if I make it to the top it will be because
of her. Are you ready beautiful?” I said, dropping my mouth.
“Mom he always does that to tease me,” she complained.
“He won’t be the only one doing that honey,” she said agreeing with me.